an unfair generalization keeping with my disdain for the current system of young people working and old people sitting around with nothing to do, I suggest we find alternative uses for the elderly. They could easily handle the menial jobs we’ve all come to pass on to foreigners, like telemarketing and raking leaves. Alternatively, elderly people could be tested on in order to improve the lives of their younger counterparts. As Homer Simpson dictated from a Ross Perot pamphlet,

Old people don’t need companionship; they need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might extracted for our personal use.

It’s not that I think old people are useless; it’s just that they have too much time on their hands, and I’m sure we could all benefit from them doing something other than shuffleboard or crochet. Of course, we could exploit those very things and televise bingo tournaments or knit-offs (old ladies should have knit-offs, if they don’t already). ESPN 2 is always looking for odd competitions, and old people (and bored college students) are always looking for something to watch.

At any rate, something needs to be done, because I’m getting tired of such a vast percentage of the population not being put to good use. I’ll close with a Moe Szyslak quote, which certainly bears nothing of my actual opinion:

Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

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