Fresh off my solution to the abortion issue, I’ve now solved the social security issue. The key is to export all the old people (anyone over 55 years old) to Greenland. There’s a lot of open space for them to roam, and I don’t think anyone would really notice (or care) if we started dumping the elderly there. Of course we could have them organized into fenced-in enclosures, or “pens,” so that they could safely be visited by relatives and observed throughout the course of their fascinating lives.
Some might find this plan “unfeasible” or “monstrous,” but I prefer the term “progressive.” If we don’t start coming up with some revolutionary plans now, we might be forced to spend all our social security payments for some old person we don’t even know, unable to glean any benefit other than “humanitarianism” (which isn’t a real benefit).