in case you were wondering for success in the music industry:

1) Possess artistic talent. Failing that, ensure that your lyrics are extremely offensive, blasphemous, and/or painfully sappy.

2) Have bizarre hair. Afros, corn rows, mullets, and mohawks are all perfectly acceptable, if dyed the right color.

3) Only wear clothes that “normal” people would be ashamed to receive as gifts.

4) Make plenty of personal political statements in your music, because that’s what your fans want to hear.

5) Become a vegetarian. Better yet, become a vegan.

6) Donate to charity. Better yet, create your own charity. Make sure it’s for something useless though, like “empowering teen girls.”

7) Don’t write your own songs. It’s much easier to steal from someone else or have someone with skill write your music for you.

Following these rules will assure you of far more success than you would have achieved otherwise.

11 thoughts on “in case you were wondering

  1. nono. vegans suck because most do it for the wrong reason. The whole “i dont eat it because it has eyes” is stupid. i mean, at least they could see it coming. It isn’t as if the eyes make it any less delicious, nor does it make its death any less in vain if you kill it and refuse to eat it.

    However, converting to vegan-ism because you had a deep, deep loathing of plants and were plotting to eradicate the entire population of the world’s plants is a completely separate story. I sympathize with these people, because they show the sheer determination just by simply taking on such a daunting task. These vegans are the future leaders of the world, so i would be careful who i say “Vegans suck.” around.

  2. this is definitely true. especially after reading the ruins, i think we can all appreciate some plant eradication.
    i’m afraid i disagree with #2. it singles out minorities: niggers, cracker ass white trash, and redskins. #6, on the other hand, is hilarious.
    i also think its hilarious that not only did some vegan blog site pick up on this post but that it then caused some poor doof to post here. in addition to meat, apparently vegans have no use for helping verbs.

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