Notice: If you are male and have passed puberty, follow these steps.
Step 1: Obtain a 6’th grade reading level at your nearest Walmart.(dirk)
Step 2: Visit The Best Page in the Universe(pops) in order to familiarize yourself with Maddox and his work, if you haven’t already done so.
Step 3: Purchase The Alphabet of Manliness(pops), read it, and you will subsequently become more of a man.
THE C*CK PUNCHThere are two main procedures for transferring one’s fist to the c*ck. The first method is the crescent punch, which is especially handy with missionaries who can’t take a hint, people who jog in place while waiting for the light to turn green, and self-important clerks who ask, “what can I do for you?” Of course, if you answer the suble sexual proposition, the clerk will always seem confused because it’s a mantra that’s often chanted unintentionally, almost like it’s a desperate last attempt at being a comedian, or anything else that doesn’t so closely resemble the mundane hell of life in a convenience store, thus warrenting a slug to the clerk’s pecker.
Chapter “C” is for Copping a feel(my personal favorite so far).
THE BREASTA woman’s chest is the holy grail of flesh grapplers. No target is more saught-after, and yet, no target is more daunting. The path to the chest grabbing is a perilous one that has sent many brazen men crashing down in defeat, humiliation and occasionally jail time. Copping a feel on a breast is difficult for two reasons: 1. Its location on the body is front and center, below the woman’s face, in direct line of sight, and 2. A woman’s breast is very sensitive to touch — so much so that women can be induced into orgasm by merely rubbing against them in an elevator; happens all the time.
…[Y]ou’re probably wondering why I am publishing a book now? SImple: money. I want as much money as possible. I want to go to exclusive Hollywood parties where I’ll feel in place using the word ‘amazing’ as a noun. I want some serious ‘f*ck you’ money. I want to be so rich that instead of having my henchmen kill people, I can do it myself in broad daylight in front of the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, while I download music illegally from the Internet…The other question you’re probably wondering is ‘What does Maddox know about manliness?’ To answer your question, I would like to refer you to the hair on my knuckles. And if that weren’t enough, I’d like to show you the hair on my back. I didn’t wear a shirt to work for an entire month one time and nobody noticed.