battlefail

tank campingOn a whim, I’ve decided to post everything that remains grossly erroneous with the game Battlefield 2. I realize that there is no chance for a future patch addressing these issues, and I’m also aware that many readers of this site might already be well aware of the game’s shortcomings (or entirely disinterested), but I just thought all of the frustration needed to be organized in one place. Feel free to add to this list:

  • The incredibly unwieldy RPK and PKM are far too maneuverable. A soldier shouldn’t be able to flop on his stomach and turn on a dime with a thirty-six pound gun.
  • The RPK and PKM are too accurate. Heavy machine guns lacking scopes should not be able to get head-shots at equal distances to sniper rifles.
  • Every map should have a couple of advanced AA guns that are more effective against airplanes than the standard IGLAs. Placement should be strategic (such as the airfield and carrier on Wake). It’s too easy for a good pilot to have a 20-1 KDR (or better).
  • Chinese troops should be able to enter the USS Essex on the Wake map, making spawn camping that much sweeter.
  • Claymores should always do team damage.
  • Glitching should be fixed. There should be no way to get inside buildings (despite how much fun it is for the people inside).
  • Bonus points should be given for running people over with a car, or at least for running people over while giving a courtesy honk.
  • Hit detection should be improved. I’ve shot a man in the head with a sniper rifle while he was diving straight at me. The problem with this was that I was aiming at his midsection, well below his head.
  • Head-shot-prone guns, like the L85A1 and M4, should be toned down some. I acknowledge that the other options for those kits (medic and spec-ops, respectively) offer variety in game-play, but I’m tired of only getting shot once and dropping dead, when it can seemingly take an entire clip from other weapons to bring an enemy down.
  • The death of the “n00bs only!” servers occurred far too rapidly. I want to be able to hit up a joint with a bunch of privates dicking around and completely jack up my score (wow, so much of what I just said could be misinterpreted).
  • Suicides and TKs should be fixed a bit, reducing the likelihood of getting your chopper blown up and somehow killing your teammate, or bumping into a nearly-stationary object and committing suicide (or landing on a friend’s parachute and collapsing in death).
  • Troops using the support kit should have a reduced rate of grenade throwing to alleviate unlimited ‘nade spamming.
  • Snipers should be significantly faster and more agile than other troop kits. As it is, they can barely outrun the support guys lugging the heavy machine guns, or the anti-tank troops toting rocket launchers.
  • The game should track the “Times Revived” stat, so you’ll know how many times you’ve really died.

Yes, I play this game far more than I should, but I take comfort in the fact that I’ve only played 4% as much time as the global hours leader, who averages an impressive 23.12 hours per day (I would bet it’s an account shared by more than one person, but that’s just a guess).

5 thoughts on “battlefail

  1. it makes me feel kind of warm and fuzzy inside to see names like “SQLDIER” and “ACTION_Gandhi” on an in-game screen shot and know who those individuals are.

    i think that also makes me gay.

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