cuckoo for coco crisp’s a tip for parents: if you’re going to give your child an outlandish name, you should at least try to spell it correctly. Doing so would preserve what little bit of dignity is associated with your rich family heritage. Contrary to what you might be inferring, I’m not talking about the Orpah to “Oprah” mixup, but about something even worse: Coco Crisp. That’s right, there’s a man named Coco Crisp, and he’s not a rapper. Granted, it’s not his given name (his real name is Covelli), but he’s making millions of dollars playing professional baseball and for some reason I just assume that millionaires shouldn’t be named after cereal.

Regardless of salary, vocation, or favorite cold breakfast, the word has been – and will continue to be – spelled “cocoa.” “Coco” would refer to “coconut,” and there’s definitely not any coconut in Cocoa Krispies. But I digress. I’m just not a fan of naming children after common household items. Another baseball player, Milton Bradley, instantly comes to mind. These names are terrible, yes, but they could always be worse; there’s really nothing you can do for your children when your surname is Pujols (poo-holes).

Play it safe: stick with the cool names.

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