I give fat people a hard time pretty often, but perhaps the most serious thing facing fat people in today’s society is this: they aren’t even good at eating. Just take a look at the Major League Eating (MLE) competitions in the U.S. (or the International Federation of Competitive Eating, or IFOCE). Competitive eating’s best participants and recurring champions are all slightly built, almost as though they do activities other than just shoving food in their faces. Takeru Kobayashi, a man who once ate 57 cow brains (17.7 lbs) in fifteen minutes, weighs a measly 160 pounds (presumably, that weight was taken before he ingested all those brains).
This just makes fat people look even worse. Not only do thin people have life easier in general (fewer health problems, greater opportunities for recreation, less disgusted stares from strangers), but they also beat the overweight in the one category (other than sumo) in which the corpulent would seem to have an advantage. Not all hope is lost, however. Portly people will always have an easier time surviving in times of famine, and let’s not forget the enhanced insulation to which they’re privileged when the temperatures start dropping. But until an obese guy can eat more than 65 hard-boiled eggs in 6 minutes and 40 seconds (a record currently held by the 105-pound Sonya Thomas), they won’t have my respect.