monkey see, monkey do

the simpsons (c) FOXWell, it’s happening: apes have been seen hunting with spears in the wild. The implications are huge. Now we no longer have to look for that oh-so-elusive “missing link” between ape and man – it will simply re-evolve right before our very eyes. But a second ape-man is the least of our worries…the greater concern is that all of these apes will once again evolve into men, only exacerbating the most pressing issue facing our modern world (human population growth). They already share as much as 99% of our genetic material, and now they’re going for that last one percent.

(c) geicoOf course, it might not be that big of a problem. They’re just going to struggle to adapt in our modern world, clinging to their smaller brains and semi-bipedal posture while using inferior tools to fashion primitive structures. We should still have a few hundred thousand years, at least, and by that time Man will be pretty retarded anyway from all of the inbreeding and the rapid propagation of rappers. I’m not too worried yet – I’ll wait until they master fire…or maybe design a wheel.

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