o soothest sleep

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=173752Sometimes it’s not so much an ailment’s primary effects which are upsetting, but its ancillary ones. Take, for instance, poison ivy. One might think that the constant itching and swelling would be the most frustrating results from contact with the plant. Well, they are. But also surprisingly disturbing is the lack of sleep that can come from brushing the affected areas too much with the sheets. One could actually stay up for, theoretically, half an hour just because he is unable to get comfortable.

A lack of sleep could also be the product of a deep leg wound. Perhaps the pain has subsided and is tolerable when the leg is stationary, but rolling over on the wound could produce sharp pain and prevent sleep. This is particularly bad when a certain degree of tossing and turning is required before full rest can occur.

One final disorder which can inhibit proper sleep is the most commonly experienced: a mass of impacted feces. Gastric suffering is bad enough during the day, but when it comes time to curl up in the warm, cozy blankets and dream away, a buildup of excrement can be especially excruciating. Fortunately, this is easily remedied by taking what doctors call a “crap of Titanic proportions” (presumably because the Titanic was filled with incontinent elderly passengers).

Whatever the case, sleep is precious and should not be subverted for any reason – that is, until we are able to completely eliminate sleep as a necessity.

2 thoughts on “o soothest sleep

  1. Ancillary! Fantastic.

    And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, you use the masculine pronoun following the general antecedent “one.”

    This Web site has come a long way. Kudos to you, Herr Witte.

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