placation vacation

gulls.jpgI have recently returned from the west coast, about which I have the following points to discuss:

vent fans

Here where I come from, our bathrooms are equipped with fans which serve multiple purposes. Apparently Californians have no concern for others hearing the atrocious sounds or smelling the noxious odors which are released after the ingestion of a Senor Gomez burrito. They must all keep a box of matches handy, or load their bathrooms up with incense, or something.


I can’t make blanket generalizations based on my limited experience, so I’ll just comment about Mexicans who attend amusement parks: they’re all incredibly rude. Since they make up 97% of the population, you’re bound to encounter them, and they’ll shove you out of the way to get a good picture without thinking twice. I’m sure they’re just looking for an outlet for their rage, since they have to take this kind of stuff from their celebrity bosses.

mansion.jpgnatural beauty

Yes, California was once a beautiful place, and I didn’t stray too far from the Los Angeles area, but you can’t look at one rolling hill or beach without finding thirty people or a multi-million dollar mansion there (which I consider negative). Oh, and the smog…don’t expect to breathe outdoors. But the weather is great, at least.


Zune ads are everywhere in the Los Angeles area. For such a crowded urban area, I think Microsoft has done well strategically placing their billboards. There was even an entire building covered in Zune ads, right on Hollywood. Suck on that, iPod.


Traffic in the LA area is deserving of its poor reputation. Just minutes after leaving the airport, a crazy man resembling Geoffrey Rush nearly ran us over and flipped us off, all for driving the speed limit. Then there are dozens of crazy street signs depicting mazes and maneuvers which should probably be legal if you’re capable of deciphering them.

street performers

Though no crazier than those found in any other major city, I suppose, the guys on Hollywood do some fascinating tricks. They’ll do everything, including playing plastic jugs as drums, balancing spinning basketballs, and giving lifelike performances as Shrek or Batman. Just don’t make eye contact.

scientology.jpgOverall, it’s always interesting to go some place new, but California’s just not for me. It’s no longer the shining beacon of hope it (supposedly) represented for people like the Joads, and if you’re not into shopping, vegetarianism, or Scientology, it doesn’t really offer much at all other than Mexicans, tree-free hills, and air pollution. And the Terminator.

* Lyrics by the esteemed Dr. Dre

9 thoughts on “placation vacation

  1. Those guys are noobs. Did you see how many times he missed with the shock paddle? And who stat pads in the middle of the city entrance of Karkand? That must have been an incredibly crappy server, and one we should find.

  2. I am impressed that you were able to sum up such an extensive vacation in only one page. Good times and lasting memories in the O.C.

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