first harvest

I consider it a boon for the scientific community. I performed what could be called an experiment, but what was in my own mind an honest attempt at agriculture. Several hours ago I reaped the first benefits of this inadvertently-misguided pastime: a single red pepper that fell from its stalk prematurely. Despite its obvious deformities, it lacks no character and was raised with the utmost care and concern, watered daily and protected by a genuine chicken wire enclosure. It’s all-natural and organic, grown from completely unmodified soil in the partial shade of a forest without the aid of pesticides or fertilizers.

And it looks, and undoubtedly tastes, terrible.

Let this be a lesson to all of the “natural foods” people out there: natural foods just don’t want to grow naturally without a little help. That’s why God invented mulch, and rototillers, and destitute sharecroppers. There’s something to be said for helping nurse creation to a useful end.

Stay tuned for the harvest of my true bumper crop: the tomato, a fruit (vegetable?) that I don’t even like to eat, but which is seemingly far easier to grow in inhospitable, acidic clay with inappropriate amounts of sunlight and a poor water supply.

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