strange wilderness

The Bigfoot mania nearly passed me by, but I caught it. I foolishly thought that Bigfoot’s existence had been debunked by the hundreds of years of American expansion that never produced a shred of physical evidence, but that shows what I know. Apparently some guys came forward a week ago or something and claimed they had a Bigfoot corpse. And apparently someone actually listened to them.

Now there are certainly creatures on this planet about which we know nothing, but who could believe that a great ape population of sustainable size could exist in North America without a body ever being found (until now)? How would the creatures ever find a mate if their counterparts were equally invisible? Of course the beasts might exist in an alternative dimension or have peculiar spectral absorption and reflection, but that’s a bit far-fetched even for the fabled monster.

So what did the corpse turn out to be? A rubber suit filled with road kill and “slaughterhouse leftovers.” I assume no one said “this looks legit” before ushering it on to a scientist for analysis, but come on…the possum tail should’ve been a dead giveaway. When asked about the situation, the ex-cop who co-orchestrated the hoax said, “It would be one thing if I came out and said that I had something else that is tangible or real, but right now, as far as I’m concerned, there is no real Bigfoot.”

What can we learn from this whole fiasco? That if you don’t believe a mythical creature is real, it can be humorous to fill Halloween costumes with innards to fool cryptozoologists. …Maybe if this post had been about a real animal being found, like a giant squid, a yeti, or a Unitarian, it would have been interesting, but you can’t win them all.

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