a new year dawns

progressingIf I ever had the opportunity to create a computerized test for any subject, I would make the grading process unnecessarily stressful for the student. After the exam was completed, the screen would go blank for a few seconds, followed by an empty progress bar. The bar would fill up slowly as the computer found each correct answer, so that the more you got right, the more the bar would fill. Every now and then, it would pause for no reason, and then hopefully resume if you continued to get answers correct. When the computer was done checking each question, the screen would flash bright red if you only managed 69% or less, perhaps printing some demeaning slogan (but probably not, as the flashing monitor would be humiliation enough).

Alternatively, grading could be interactive, where tiny boxes would pop up on a blank screen for tenths of a second and if you clicked one, you’d get a tenth of a bonus point or something. People might complain that this wouldn’t aid the learning process in any way, but they’d be wrong, because it would dramatically improve our perceptual abilities, cognition, and reflexes, and once again create an American workforce that could compete on a global scale. Or it would just cause more seizures, because those flashing colors would certainly be brightly-colored.

And no, I am not disappointed by having so much spare time on my hands.

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