how to cook humans

http://www.wolfescape.com/Humour/Patients.htmDon’t be alarmed about anything missing from the site; it’s by design.

So I get bored in the bathroom and read labels sometimes, and I couldn’t help but notice that my toothpaste comes with a lot of instructions. There’s the usual stuff about not eating it, but then there’s this:

Products containing stannous fluoride may produce surface staining of the teeth

Oh, that doesn’t sound good, especially since it’s supposed to be a whitening toothpaste. But then I read a little further and realized there was more:

Adequate toothbrushing may prevent these stains which are not harmful or permanent and may be removed by your dentist

Now I feel like they got me all worked up for nothing. But they didn’t even stop at that, because there was yet another line of text:

This [product name] is specially formulated to help prevent staining

Well why even mention the staining to begin with? It ends up feeling like they’ve yanked my chain around, and if I had stopped reading after the first sentence I probably would’ve chucked the tube out of the window. The only conclusion I can reach as to why they would create these three fear-mongering bullet points is that the tube had some extra space and they didn’t think a textless area would look professional enough. Legit products are always fully-encapsulated by fine print, after all.

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