EA has announced that if you waste your money by buying the limited edition of the mediocre game that is Medal of Honor, you can get access to the beta for Battlefield 3. That's right - they've told us before that it's coming, but nothing has been said about BF3 for quite some time. And even now they aren't showing a logo or giving any other details, other than that the beta will begin within a year of Medal of Honor's arrival this fall.

What's interesting is the mention that Xbox Live Gold is required to access the beta of BF3, indicating that the game will, once again, not be a PC-exclusive. It remains to be seen if this can be DICE's return to glory after heading further and further from their former success. In my book, if BF3 has a full assortment of vehicles (land/sea/air), massive maps, full squads and squad leaders, commanders, 64 player support, mod support, decent VOIP, a command rose, revive ability, and none of this garbage auto-regenerating health and/or unlimited ammo, then it will be a success...even if they manage to screw it all up somehow.

I have to say, I'm only slightly surprised at the United States' 1-0 win over Algeria today. The surprise was not that they ended up winning, but that they didn't allow an early goal. And it wasn't for lack of effort. An Algerian striker whose name is irrelevant had a brilliant chance within the first 15 minutes and ended up hitting the crossbar. That was the turning point, because if that goal had fallen, it would've changed the tone for the entire match. As it was, the team had to know that they had a chance - they had many chances, in fact. There was another disallowed goal for the Americans, this time a missed offsides call, but we already knew that referees are terrible and that it would take at least two real goals to get enough that counted. Leave it to Landon Donovan to provide a goal at nearly the last possible minute; that's how we roll.

So with that, the U.S. went from facing elimination to winning the group, and England held on for their own 1-0 win over Slovenia to take second. But England is still a poor squad overall, despite their individual talent. Still, there would have been a lot of disappointed fans around the world if people had to watch Slovenia get slaughtered in the next round. Now the following rounds of the 2010 World Cup will have a lot to live up to to match this level of excitement.

clint dempsey tattoo (source)

I just realized that my hiatus was showing, so I suppose now would be as good a time as any to make World Cup predictions. If only such predictions weren't completely impossible to make with any hint of certainty. Today, a team - and nation - all but assured of their impending victory over the host nation were left stunned, and the two "best" teams in the group could not score a single goal. Yes, Mexico's 1-1 draw with South Africa was quite surprising, and France's 0-0 outing with Uruguay was wholly uninspiring. Tomorrow, the real fun begins, with the biggest match being the USA executing their upset of merry old England.

Since these prognostications are all in good fun, I'm going to go group by group and make up outrageous outcomes, so that I may look back and see just how far off I was. The best foreknowledge I have at my disposal is Pele's recognition of Brazil and Spain as the best two teams, which therefore guarantees that neither team will be taking home the cup.

Group A

Uruguay takes first, with France taking second. Mexico and South Africa eliminated.

Group B

Argentina takes first, with South Korea and Greece tied for second; Greece advances on goal differential. South Korea and Nigeria eliminated.

Group C

England takes first, with USA second. Algeria and Slovenia eliminated.

Group D

Germany first, Ghana second. Australia and Serbia eliminated.

Group E

Holland wins it, and Denmark follows them. Japan and Cameroon go home.

Group F

Italy advances, and Slovakia edges out Paraguay. The latter leaves, as does New Zealand.

Group G

Brazil, as expected, take first, followed by a surprising Ivory Coast. Portugal and North Korea are disappointed.

Group H

Spain takes it, while Chile is content with second. Switzerland and Honduras lose out.

Now that I've gotten all those wrong and out of the way, let's move on, where it gets really confusing. Uruguay advances against Greece, and England knocks off Ghana. Then England beats Uruguay to enter the semifinals. Meanwhile, Holland makes quick work of Slovakia and Brazil similarly disposes of Chile. Brazil just does enough to get past Holland and enter the semis against England.

On the other hand, Argentina has trouble with France and the French somehow overcome. The United States manage a huge win against Germany but lose to the French in the quarterfinals on some terrible refereeing (and questionable defending). So the French are in the semifinals, again. Italy beats Denmark, Spain beats the Ivory Coast, and then Spain beats Italy. So it's the French versus the Spanish to get into the final.

As unexciting as it is, Brazil beats England and Spain beats France, and the world stops watching because no one cares about a Brazil-Spain World Cup final. Earth explodes, but not before Clint Dempsey makes a rap about the U.S. defeat.

I think the beauty of being subjected to a no-hitter is that it can really bring a team's offense under inspection, and hopefully elicit some change. As bad as the Braves looked tonight in Ubaldo Jimenez's six-walk no-hitter, there's solace in knowing that Cox and Wren couldn't possibly sit back and say that at least a third of the lineup (namely: Melky, McLouth, and Glaus) are up to league average, or that Terry Pendleton has any clue what he's doing with Atlanta hitters...

...Or could they?

Admittedly, I've seen worse. And Jimenez was throwing some very nasty stuff. Here's a post-game quote from Bobby Cox, regarding Jimenez: "He's hard to hit at."

Well-said, Bobby. Well-said.

The Atlanta Braves' rookie right fielder Jason Heyward has made his big-league debut, in an opening day that saw the Braves best the Cubs 16-5. Some inconsequential stuff also happened, like Lowe continuing to play "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," Escobar driving in 5, and McCann homering. But the big story was Heyward's three-run homer in the first. He also had an RBI single later in the game.

So this is what it comes down to: projections. Everyone knew Heyward would be good, but few had him pegged at being this good. Extrapolating his line of 2/5, 1 HR, 4 RBI, and 1 SO, Heyward's monster 2010 season projects thusly:

.400, 162 HR, 648 RBI, 162 SO

Yes, Heyward is on track to become the first person to hit .400 since Ted Williams batted .406 in 1941. Perhaps more astoundingly, he will more than double Barry Bonds' single-season home run record of 73. And while he will more than triple the current RBI record (Hack Wilson, 191), even his most ardent fans will be upset by his 162 strikeouts and 0 walks. Still, Heyward's contributions will easily outweigh those shortcomings en route to the first of many MVP seasons.

You heard it here first.

This Easter, we should be thankful for God's provision. Whether "rich" or "poor," all who ask in the Lord's name have their needs fulfilled. The greatest testament to this is a personal one, and I have found this to be true of smaller things (like passing a trying exam) as well as larger ones (like salvation, the purpose of Easter). It can be incredibly difficult to imagine that we are "in good hands," as Allstate would have it, but the proof is often evident. So let's try to enjoy the spring and all of the blessings we've received, instead of fearing for the future. As Jon Foreman points out in his song "Your Love Is Strong":

So why should I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need...You know what I need.

I always say Van der Sar is a manufactured goalkeeper. He is not so happy when I say it, but there are more natural goalkeepers in the world. Van der Sar has been made into a goalkeeper.

Of course, van Gaal had not yet seen Chelsea's new keeper, or his recognition of "manufactured" goalies would be more astute. It took a special caliber of player to dethrone the venerable Petr Cech from his starting role. 6'7" of solid, shining bronze, "Robot Zeus," as he became known, was an embodiment of perfection. His original ties to Robot Pele are nebulous, but his affiliation with Dieter Sphinxly and Grecian origin remain of little debate.

Although he could sometimes be beaten by less challenging shots, he routinely turned in fantastic saves and rarely got caught flat-footed. He did, however, show a propensity for wandering from his line, and his early days saw opponents seize the advantage of the open net. But with time his might became known, and there was nothing he could not accomplish on the pitch. For those blistering shots seemingly beyond him, some claimed to have seen sparks of lightning issuing from his fingertips and steering the ball off-course.

And when he sallied forth, teams crumbled. In tandem with Robot Pele, the goals pelted the nets. He became the all-time leading goal scorer among goalkeepers in the history of the English Premier League in a matter of two appearances. On top of that, he performed his role admirably, and the preponderance of clean sheets in Chelsea's record could be attributed directly to his influence.

His ascension to Olympus remains a dark day in the storied history of the Blues.

Then, one day, Dieter Sphinxly showed up at Stamford Bridge in a rented tuxedo along with a £10 haircut and a large, black box. His tenure as Chelsea's new manager began with the mysterious arrival of a tall, white-haired figure that never spoke and moved mechanically. And the legend intensified.

After several days with the team, it was apparent that the new recruit possessed otherworldly talent. His kit bore the simple moniker "R. Pele," and his feet moved with a fury never before seen. He could drain a shot from midfield with ease, and his tackles and crosses were always spot-on. It wasn't long before speculation began that he was, in fact, a robot.

But FIFA could not stop him. Nor could any defense. His one weakness - a dismal left foot - was consistently overshadowed by his all-around prowess. While the electric bills at the Bridge escalated, so did the footballer's stamina, and his dominance continued unabated.

And the legend grew.

Sphinxly would not reveal the player's origin, or the source of his immaculate skill. But the tabloids would reveal his training regimen: practicing "the robot" dance move for hours on end. When this came to light, other teams in the premiership became irate, insisting that no human being would be able to keep up with the pace of the league without ever touching a football on an off-day.

After a bout of tough losses, Sphinxly was sacked, and he took his player with him. Some claim to have witnessed the robot embarrassing schoolchildren in pick-up matches in rural U.S. towns, but nothing has been substantiated. The truth behind the story of Robot Pele's arrival to, and disappearance from, professional soccer may never be fully known.

But apartment life isn't all bad. One unspoken perk is the indirect knowledge you can attain about the person who lived there before you - through their mail. Yes, simply noting the names of the senders and of the intended recipient can provide great insight into what your forerunner is currently up to. For instance, I one day started receiving a vast quantity of tacky mail from various ambulance-chasing lawyers in the area, all addressed to the former resident of my apartment. I can ascertain that he has inquired about legal services for one reason or another.

And I can also assume he hasn't gotten to take advantage of all the presumably fantastic credit card offers that have been coming his way. It's all right though, because I know his forwarding address.