who was robot zeus?

Bayern Munich's manager Louis van Gaal had the following to say about Manchester United's goalkeeper:

I always say Van der Sar is a manufactured goalkeeper. He is not so happy when I say it, but there are more natural goalkeepers in the world. Van der Sar has been made into a goalkeeper.

Of course, van Gaal had not yet seen Chelsea's new keeper, or his recognition of "manufactured" goalies would be more astute. It took a special caliber of player to dethrone the venerable Petr Cech from his starting role. 6'7" of solid, shining bronze, "Robot Zeus," as he became known, was an embodiment of perfection. His original ties to Robot Pele are nebulous, but his affiliation with Dieter Sphinxly and Grecian origin remain of little debate.

Although he could sometimes be beaten by less challenging shots, he routinely turned in fantastic saves and rarely got caught flat-footed. He did, however, show a propensity for wandering from his line, and his early days saw opponents seize the advantage of the open net. But with time his might became known, and there was nothing he could not accomplish on the pitch. For those blistering shots seemingly beyond him, some claimed to have seen sparks of lightning issuing from his fingertips and steering the ball off-course.

And when he sallied forth, teams crumbled. In tandem with Robot Pele, the goals pelted the nets. He became the all-time leading goal scorer among goalkeepers in the history of the English Premier League in a matter of two appearances. On top of that, he performed his role admirably, and the preponderance of clean sheets in Chelsea's record could be attributed directly to his influence.

His ascension to Olympus remains a dark day in the storied history of the Blues.

who was robot pele?

Robot Pele was a legend.

Then, one day, Dieter Sphinxly showed up at Stamford Bridge in a rented tuxedo along with a £10 haircut and a large, black box. His tenure as Chelsea's new manager began with the mysterious arrival of a tall, white-haired figure that never spoke and moved mechanically. And the legend intensified.

After several days with the team, it was apparent that the new recruit possessed otherworldly talent. His kit bore the simple moniker "R. Pele," and his feet moved with a fury never before seen. He could drain a shot from midfield with ease, and his tackles and crosses were always spot-on. It wasn't long before speculation began that he was, in fact, a robot.

But FIFA could not stop him. Nor could any defense. His one weakness - a dismal left foot - was consistently overshadowed by his all-around prowess. While the electric bills at the Bridge escalated, so did the footballer's stamina, and his dominance continued unabated.

And the legend grew.

Sphinxly would not reveal the player's origin, or the source of his immaculate skill. But the tabloids would reveal his training regimen: practicing "the robot" dance move for hours on end. When this came to light, other teams in the premiership became irate, insisting that no human being would be able to keep up with the pace of the league without ever touching a football on an off-day.

After a bout of tough losses, Sphinxly was sacked, and he took his player with him. Some claim to have witnessed the robot embarrassing schoolchildren in pick-up matches in rural U.S. towns, but nothing has been substantiated. The truth behind the story of Robot Pele's arrival to, and disappearance from, professional soccer may never be fully known.