cghm.org

the dentistry of vampirism

the simpsons, (c) foxVampirism has profound effects on the dentition and supporting tissues of the undead.

The exaggerated protrusion of the maxillary canines requisite for the taking of a blood meal deviates from the normal average of 17 mm to upwards of 24 mm. As a result of the increased crown length, vampire "fangs" are prone to fracture, often leading to pulpal exposure and subsequent endodontic treatment (root canal). Furthermore, increased crown length produces an interference to normal canine guidance when undergoing a lateral excursion of the mandible. This essentially prevents the jaw from moving to the side unless opened, and acts as a great hindrance to the normal chewing loop. An additional consideration is that during the transformation into an evil creature, a vampire's canines extend apically in an attempt to maintain an ideal crown/root ratio. This often leads to a puncture of the maxillary sinus, which could produce further complications. Bruxism (teeth grinding) can be especially disastrous in the mouth of bloodsucker.

The frequent consumption of blood has unique effects on a vampire's periodontal and systemic health. Studies have shown that the frequent consumption of blood can offer the benefit of a basic pH, inhibiting caries (tooth decay) in that regard. However, since vampires frequently have poor oral hygiene habits, tooth decay is still a concern. This leads to an increased prevalence of gingivitis and periodontal disease in this demographic. These creatures also present with hyperalbuminemia and increased iron levels due to their diet. Increased diligence should be given to infection control when treating the followers of Dracula, as nearly all have some form of communicable disease (exclusive of porphyric hemophilia). This will often be chronic hepatitis B or C, although HIV is not uncommon.

In terms of general dental health and occlusion, vampires suffer from significant issues. This, in turn, impacts their lives in such a way as to promote a temperamental and irritable demeanor. Some vampires subsequently develop depression-like symptoms. Therefore, many vampires are prescribed antidepressants which can create xerostomia (dry mouth). On the other hand, compliance with dosing instructions is universally poor in these immortal beings, so rampant caries caused by a lack of saliva is not a primary concern.

As the population of vampires increases exponentially in the coming years, further studies will be needed to monitor the success of current dental methods for those with a vampiric lifestyle.

scribbling results

Yesterday I started messing around with a game called "Scribblenauts." It's a bit juvenile, but the premise of the game is highly original. It presents you with a puzzle or objective in a 2D level and then allows you to write in the name of any animal or object...or anything conceivable (with some exceptions), and it will appear. You can then use the properties of that item/creature/etc. to accomplish your goal. For instance, conjure up some pizza and eat it, or put in a helicopter and fly anywhere you want. Certain inappropriate things are excluded.

yetivbigfootThe game leaves itself open to lots of creative scenarios, many the developers could not have possibly foreseen. One such situation is one of the first things I did - I used the game as a battle simulator. Yeti vs. Bigfoot. Yes, both mythical creatures were in the game, but the Yeti acted more aggressive, while Bigfoot seemed protective. Bigfoot won. I then decided to do best two out of three. Bigfoot won again. Just for good measure, I tried once more. Again, Bigfoot was the victor. So I decided to even the odds.

I gave the Yeti a shotgun. Unfortunately, once he took it he did not know how to use it, so he just held it passively. He still wanted to fight, but simply couldn't. So I started torching him with a flamethrower. It just forced him back, so I had to set some TNT at his feet to finally take him down.

Now there's something even the most open-world game won't let you do.

Tagged as: , 5 Comments