farming finale
D. Magner has always had a penchant for that which is not categorical, exemplified by his random insertions and digressions. For this reason, the author sees fit to include a thorough appendix and an equally robust index. These closing areas are what shall be addressed herein, "closing the book" on Magner's Farm and Stock Book and Complete Instructor.
The literature page contains an overview of each of the sections previously covered in this work. There are free, downloadable PDF files of the actual text for all sections, including those to be discussed here.
on woodchucks
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The argument could be made that woodchucks are perfectly capable of, yet averse to, chucking wood. In the event of a woodchuck's woodchucking, the wood would be chucked by the woodchuck in moderation, since woodchucks undoubtedly adhere to the guidelines in Plato's The Republic. The wood chucked by the woodchuck would not exceed the amount of wood that would be chucked by any creature commonly known for its slight adeptness at chucking wood. If a woodchuck would chuck wood, would the woodchuck chuck enough wood to equal the amount of wood chucked by a small woodchucking device? The answer, of course, is no.
Woodchucks choose not to chuck wood, not merely because of their lack of opposable thumbs and overall bulk, but also because of their design, suggesting that, even if a woodchuck could chuck wood, it would not. Woodchucks would much rather wander aimlessly through the woods, watching other creatures that are designed to chuck wood chuck wood. Just because woodchucks do not choose to chuck wood does not mean that the woodchucks' wood chucking would not be a large amount of wood chucked by woodchucks. A woodchuck chucking wood is similar to an outstretched hand revealing many fingers; the woodchuck has chosen one finger (or path, if you will) that runs parallel to many other paths. Though the woodchucking woodchuck is confused, he can always stop chucking wood to achieve his true purpose.
modified from a philosophy class journal entry, 9-18-03
near the deer
I've seen deer many times before, as I'm sure most people have. But I'd wager that few people - aside from hunters - who stumble upon them in their natural habitat are able to spend an hour observing their behavior. Most often, encounters are brief and result in the best view being that of the deer's rear as it hops away.
Yesterday, I came across two baby white-tailed deer who were foraging carelessly, and though they initially ran a few yards away, they gradually became comfortable with my presence - most likely because I was downwind. The creatures were beautiful, taking time to chew until they were spooked and moved past me to a bed of pine straw below some larger trees. It was here that they alternately moved about eating and taking breaks to lie down and ruminate. At one point a squirrel even joined in, and the two species relied on each other as an alarm system.
Bugs were clearly bothering the animals, as their ears and tails were flicking constantly. On a couple of occasions, the deer used their hind limbs to scratch. It did occur to me that no adult deer would allow me to be as close as I was for so long a time, and I was soon proved correct. The young deer ran past me again to their approaching mother, and she stared right at me from a distance. She eventually made a noise, and the three ran to a safer distance where she could still survey me. She made another call and left; while one baby followed her, the other ran back toward me, to the pine area where the pair had rested before. It stood momentarily, then made a call of its own and ran off into the forest.
I hope the group reunited, and I hope I didn't make them afraid to go back to that area. If they knew of my distaste for venison, perhaps they would be a bit more trusting. I even saw a turtle on my way out of the woods...It was a good day.
the dragon dies
An anecdote:
Once, two people found a pair of dragonflies that were in intimate contact, buzzing about. One person said to the other, “they’re mating,” to which the other replied, “I’m not so sure.” He noted that while one dragonfly was blue, the other was green, and it was possible that they were of different species. He also observed that there was an unlikely amount of noise being created; when mating, many bugs are relatively quiet, to avoid attracting predators. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, he pointed out that the only contact was the head of the green dragonfly firmly attached to the upper thorax of the blue dragonfly - in the least, an inefficient mating configuration.
Further investigation by the people revealed that the green dragonfly was indeed eating the blue dragonfly. One of the people separated the insects and wounds were clearly visible. The lesson, therefore, is threefold:
- Bugs eat each other.
- There is a thin line between sex and attempted murder.
- Sticking your nose in the business of others can be lifesaving.
alien head tree
I think it's a sign. It's not nearly as evident as the Virgin Mary water stain Mac finds on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," but it's a sign of something. Perhaps I should charge admission?
I'm speaking of the alien head on our tree. At first I thought it looked like Jar Jar Binks, but then I looked up what Jar Jar Binks actually looked like. So then I remembered Mass Effect and its Salarian race, and it was a dead ringer for another "uncanny correlations."
There aren't many implications of this, except that with Mass Effect 2 coming out early next year, there could be some obsessed fans out there that would like to pet a tree for luck or something. If Billy Mays were still available, I could've gotten him to pitch it. Other than that, it's still a pretty intriguing tree. Here are a couple of more pictures:
What do you think it looks like?
why woodpeckers peck
Have you ever wondered why woodpeckers peck? I had not, because I always assumed they were looking for bugs in the bark of the trees. Well it turns out I was wrong...woodpeckers peck solely to weaken the wooden structures so that they might one day collapse, creating new habitats for delicious edible creatures. Additionally, the falling trees have a chance of landing on the heads of unsuspecting loggers, thereby delaying the attack on the woodpecker's environment and temporarily preserving its coveted breeding grounds.
Think about it. One has to admit that the woodpecker is one of the most impressive peckers there is.
a trip outdoors
Now that I'm forced to live in the city, I have a greater appreciation for my opportunities to visit nature. Today, I spent some time just looking around at the little things.
What I Learned About Bees
I watched bees moving among flowers for quite some time, since I had nothing better to do. They don't seem to mind your presence if you're not obtrusive. Bumble bees are apparently much quicker pollinators than honey bees. Different sized bumble bees have different pitches to the sound of their flight, and they each produce a characteristic, punctuated "working buzz" when perched upon a flower. Then they promptly jump up and move to a different flower, but it's almost never the one right next to where they were. Instead, they'll just randomly fly around until they locate something to sit on, and they'll repeat the process. Even when they come back to revisit an earlier area, they seem to know which flowers they've already done. Honey bees work much slower and silently, and aren't as loud when flying either.
The two groups of bees appear to ignore each other, not are not territorial over the coveted nectar. I did notice that there are some bumble bees that are much larger than others, and they'll get in fights amongst themselves if they get too close to the same flower, tumbling in a buzzing fit to the ground. Still, bumble bees never fight honey bees, based on my observations.
What I Learned About Caterpillars
These little guys make one gigantic cocoon in a tree and all squirm about on/within it. The structure is multi-leveled so they can have enough living space, and some bold adventurers leave the confines to spread thin silk threads down the trunk and out along branches. It seems that the caterpillars will only walk on areas marked by the silk; presumably the threads lead to food. I watched a couple of them following the strings but they usually turned around and headed back before they made it anywhere.
I think they huddle on the side facing the sun. Breathing heavily on them didn't seem to have an effect, but blowing made them scatter. This might indicate that they're more sensitive to cold than they are to heat. There are also what appear to be caterpillar "skeletons" in the cocoon, possibly from cannibalistic activity.
from the editor’s desk
We hit 800 posts again...for what it's worth.
I am a bit conflicted. On the one hand, I believe loggers have every right to cut down tree-huggers along with their profitable pines, but it's altogether different when those loggers move in on my turf. Recently, the expansion of natural gas drilling in the region resulted in the construction of two large derricks in my vicinity. With them came a horde of tankers, workers of questionable immigration status, and plenty of discarded beverage bottles (and human excrement, but I won't get into that story).
Still, as frustrating as all of the noise and commotion was, it didn't really hit home until the company offered to pay for the placement of a pipeline on the back of our property. Of course we couldn't pass up the "free" money, but one must always consider the price for selling his soul - is it really worth it? What was explained to be a narrow, inconspicuous clearing for the placement of an underground pipe has yet to fulfill those qualities.
Here are some before-and-after comparison shots to help you share in my dejection:
I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's disturbing how efficiently man can wipe out nature. What took many years to grow can be destroyed within a matter of hours. The need for adequate working space is an appreciable one, but I find it difficult to believe that they could not be more conservative in the removal of neighboring trees, or that all of that space is absolutely critical to the successful laying of the pipe. But it's simply more cost-effective to cut in a straight line and to avoid any possible obstructions by eliminating them early. They don't care what it looks like - they just want their gas.
It's beginning to look like Harvest Moon will be the only way to get back to nature in the future. 
keep america beautiful
As true as that commercial was, it hurt me to find that the actor portraying the Indian, Iron Eyes Cody, was in fact a second-generation Italian-American. And he wasn't really even crying...the tear was a glycerine drop. But would a real Native American cry if he had litter thrown at his feet? I'd like to think he would. And isn't that the real truth? The answer, is no.
secrets of horse training
Few would claim that they know how to properly address a panicked, aggressive horse in this modern society, but it is a skill that is undoubtedly worth knowing. Taming a vicious horse is something that can change the way one looks at the world; the feeling of accomplishment is unrivaled by any other casual activity. Therefore, I present this third installment in the publication of Magner's Farm and Stock Book and Complete Instructor, and the most valuable information yet shown. Please visit the literature link (found above) to download the digital versions of these chapters, and to acquaint yourself with the first several sections of the book and find their accompanying discussion links.
Download the PDFs and follow along!