• Crippling abdominal pain
• Uncontrollable flatulence
• Disrupted bowel movements
• Loss of appetite
• General malaise

That's not to say I wouldn't do the same every weekend though. Perhaps it's a remnant of our primitive hunter/gatherer days, but there's a reassurance in knowing that what you eat will be promptly replaced until your gluttonous will is satiated. And it was ludicrously delicious.

Here's a little light reading for the scientifically-inclined.

The rarest megaloblastic anemia of them all.

We've all seen it before: the commercials saying that this miracle drug for depression may cause suicidal tendencies, or this cure for high blood pressure can cause the brain to explode. Our modern medicines are truly life-changing, but sometimes you've got to decide if the disease is so bad after all. I just might take my chances with a cold if it means I can avoid the resultant anal itching of the remedy. And safely storing away a little HIV is a good way to avoid the guilt-tripping of those seeking blood donation. So don't go through life worrying about alleviating all your ailments; get rid of some while embracing others.

I think my original point was in there somewhere.

I and many other scientists now believe that in around 20 years we will have the means to reprogramme our bodies' stone-age software so we can halt, then reverse, ageing. Then nanotechnology will let us live for ever... Within 25 years we will be able to do an Olympic sprint for 15 minutes without taking a breath, or go scuba-diving for four hours without oxygen. Nanotechnology will extend our mental capacities to such an extent we will be able to write books within minutes.

Micro-manufacturing has promised us the moon, and it continues to aim higher and higher. While the capacity to do as Kurzweil says should theoretically exist, I find it difficult to believe that we are within two decades of such a revolution in terms of implementation. Tiny machines could indeed be utilized to scavenge free radicals and aid mitosis and do a myriad of other intracellular housekeeping functions, but aging is a process effecting so many systems and physiological pathways and cells that its complete cessation or reversal would seem out of reach.

The body has a large head start over engineers when it comes to its own maintenance. Even if this technology were somehow able to keep us in perennial youth, the diseases and abnormalities that can arise in our bodies are so diverse that some "malfunction" would undoubtedly occur over time. The corrections of these deleterious changes would need to be accounted for in any in vivo machine. For instance, the nano-bots would need to allow the external administration of potentially lifesaving bronchodilators in the event of a severe asthmatic attack; the robots could not be allowed to rectify the artificially high levels of medication. This is just a single example of what is an immensely difficult problem.

There are many more issues that would need to be sorted out, and the painstakingly long approval process for human clinical trials is not the least of these (20 years should seem a stretch to any imagination). Ethical dilemmas will undoubtedly arise. Men have been able to achieve some inconceivable things, but there have also been conceivable things that men could not achieve; I believe this "fountain of youth" to be one such disappointment.

Perhaps these diagrams will help you decide.

If you supposed that situation B was worse, you are correct. In fact, the brain is much more susceptible to injury of motion than it is to the application of forces while in a stationary position. Despite the fact that your head is basically being drilled into the concrete in situation A, the brain is more likely to be protected by the skull and less likely to impact the inside of the cranium. In situation B, the freely-moving head will stop more suddenly than will the brain, and the resulting impact of the brain upon the skull is likely to cause cerebral edema.

Ergo, vis-a-vis, concordantly, the next time someone attacks you with a blunt object, lie down. And pray.

Taste can be viewed as a biological mechanism driving man toward certain foods. A predilection for fresh fruit, for example, provides a diet high in carbohydrates and rich in energy. The yearning for a well-cooked (or raw, for that matter) ribeye steak leads to protein and grants physical strength. A problem has arisen, however, in that man no longer needs to be told what to like. He does not need to choke down as much sugar as he can get for fear that it will be scarce in the coming weeks; the grocery store is always a short drive away. Still, he is over-consuming fats and cholesterol and other essentials because they are contained within foods his mind is causing him to desire.

If taste were eliminated, the effects would be subtly radical. A simple snipping of the chorda tympani and man would no longer need to ingest so many burritos to satiate his appetite. He could be satisfied with three meals of nutritious, fortified gruel daily, focusing on vitamins and minerals and leaving out excess calories. The effects would be seen on the teeth, with less processed sugar leading to a higher oral pH, thereby less demineralization, fewer caries and a reduction in gingivitis and periodontitis. Type 2 diabetes mellitus and other diseases would also see drastic reductions in incidence. Similarly advantageous outcomes would be decreased weight gain with increased cardiovascular health, as well as increased productivity, fertility, and a host of other results.

There is little debate that poor diet plays a large role in establishing many deleterious states in man, or that diet selection is mainly a product of taste. While it is infeasible, and arguably unethical, to offer a surgical removal of taste, the prognosis of such an undertaking would be quite good. Taste's positive effects are vestigial in modern society, and, as such, taste itself could be seen as expendable.

Once, two people found a pair of dragonflies that were in intimate contact, buzzing about. One person said to the other, “they’re mating,” to which the other replied, “I’m not so sure.” He noted that while one dragonfly was blue, the other was green, and it was possible that they were of different species. He also observed that there was an unlikely amount of noise being created; when mating, many bugs are relatively quiet, to avoid attracting predators. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, he pointed out that the only contact was the head of the green dragonfly firmly attached to the upper thorax of the blue dragonfly - in the least, an inefficient mating configuration.

Further investigation by the people revealed that the green dragonfly was indeed eating the blue dragonfly. One of the people separated the insects and wounds were clearly visible. The lesson, therefore, is threefold:

1. Bugs eat each other.
2. There is a thin line between sex and attempted murder.
3. Sticking your nose in the business of others can be lifesaving.

Have you ever wondered what your teeth are doing when you bite down? Of course you have - we all have. Basically, only half of each tooth is really doing (touching/occluding) anything; the other half either sticks out facially or sticks in lingually. But who can say what does what? That's why I've provided this very crude, but very handy, diagram. It shows your upper (maxillary) back teeth (the two premolars and first two molars) and the lower (mandibular) back teeth, and where each functional cusp sits when you close your mouth and shut up about Rihanna's abusive boyfriend.

Just start with the green cusp, which is the functional one, and follow the black line to see where it rests on the tooth of the opposing arch (the blue circle). Cusps will sit on one of three places: the mesial or distal marginal ridge, or the central fossa. This helps give stability to your teeth and assures that you can eat your pickled pig's feet safely.

First, use a scalpel to incise the skin about the calvarium. Remove and discard this excess skin. Using a chisel, or other jagged object, remove all overlying fascial and muscle layers in a similarly circumferential manner. Now it's time to enjoy inhaling some human "bonedust." Utilize a high-powered saw (note: contrary to popular belief, a scalpel is insufficient to get through bone) to cut through the skull in this ring, taking care not to cut too deep (or too shallow) - you'll know when you're in. Apply upward force on the calvarium while using a scalpel or chisel to free this bone from the adhesive dura of the brain.

Now you've got your brain. Incise the dura (preserving the falx cerebri and superior sagittal sinus, if desired) and reflect it to reveal the substance of the cerebrum. Removing the brain should be done with care. Use a scalpel to slice the cranial nerves, internal carotid artery, and pituitary stalk, as well as the vertebral arteries and spinal cord. The tentorium cerebelli should be cut in order to keep the brain intact upon removal. Lift the brain and the job is done.

Note that before any of these steps are followed, you should: A) ensure that your subject is dead, and B) either be officially licensed by the state to perform such a procedure, or be willing to be hunted by the law. Further information regarding the restoration of life to a disembodied brain may be found by combing the Internet.