this one counts
I have to say, I'm only slightly surprised at the United States' 1-0 win over Algeria today. The surprise was not that they ended up winning, but that they didn't allow an early goal. And it wasn't for lack of effort. An Algerian striker whose name is irrelevant had a brilliant chance within the first 15 minutes and ended up hitting the crossbar. That was the turning point, because if that goal had fallen, it would've changed the tone for the entire match. As it was, the team had to know that they had a chance - they had many chances, in fact. There was another disallowed goal for the Americans, this time a missed offsides call, but we already knew that referees are terrible and that it would take at least two real goals to get enough that counted. Leave it to Landon Donovan to provide a goal at nearly the last possible minute; that's how we roll.
So with that, the U.S. went from facing elimination to winning the group, and England held on for their own 1-0 win over Slovenia to take second. But England is still a poor squad overall, despite their individual talent. Still, there would have been a lot of disappointed fans around the world if people had to watch Slovenia get slaughtered in the next round. Now the following rounds of the 2010 World Cup will have a lot to live up to to match this level of excitement.
who cares what happens, as long as it happens
clint dempsey tattoo (source)
I just realized that my hiatus was showing, so I suppose now would be as good a time as any to make World Cup predictions. If only such predictions weren't completely impossible to make with any hint of certainty. Today, a team - and nation - all but assured of their impending victory over the host nation were left stunned, and the two "best" teams in the group could not score a single goal. Yes, Mexico's 1-1 draw with South Africa was quite surprising, and France's 0-0 outing with Uruguay was wholly uninspiring. Tomorrow, the real fun begins, with the biggest match being the USA executing their upset of merry old England.
Since these prognostications are all in good fun, I'm going to go group by group and make up outrageous outcomes, so that I may look back and see just how far off I was. The best foreknowledge I have at my disposal is Pele's recognition of Brazil and Spain as the best two teams, which therefore guarantees that neither team will be taking home the cup.
who was robot zeus?
Bayern Munich's manager Louis van Gaal had the following to say about Manchester United's goalkeeper:
I always say Van der Sar is a manufactured goalkeeper. He is not so happy when I say it, but there are more natural goalkeepers in the world. Van der Sar has been made into a goalkeeper.
Of course, van Gaal had not yet seen Chelsea's new keeper, or his recognition of "manufactured" goalies would be more astute. It took a special caliber of player to dethrone the venerable Petr Cech from his starting role. 6'7" of solid, shining bronze, "Robot Zeus," as he became known, was an embodiment of perfection. His original ties to Robot Pele are nebulous, but his affiliation with Dieter Sphinxly and Grecian origin remain of little debate.
Although he could sometimes be beaten by less challenging shots, he routinely turned in fantastic saves and rarely got caught flat-footed. He did, however, show a propensity for wandering from his line, and his early days saw opponents seize the advantage of the open net. But with time his might became known, and there was nothing he could not accomplish on the pitch. For those blistering shots seemingly beyond him, some claimed to have seen sparks of lightning issuing from his fingertips and steering the ball off-course.
And when he sallied forth, teams crumbled. In tandem with Robot Pele, the goals pelted the nets. He became the all-time leading goal scorer among goalkeepers in the history of the English Premier League in a matter of two appearances. On top of that, he performed his role admirably, and the preponderance of clean sheets in Chelsea's record could be attributed directly to his influence.
His ascension to Olympus remains a dark day in the storied history of the Blues.
who was robot pele?
Robot Pele was a legend.
Then, one day, Dieter Sphinxly showed up at Stamford Bridge in a rented tuxedo along with a £10 haircut and a large, black box. His tenure as Chelsea's new manager began with the mysterious arrival of a tall, white-haired figure that never spoke and moved mechanically. And the legend intensified.
After several days with the team, it was apparent that the new recruit possessed otherworldly talent. His kit bore the simple moniker "R. Pele," and his feet moved with a fury never before seen. He could drain a shot from midfield with ease, and his tackles and crosses were always spot-on. It wasn't long before speculation began that he was, in fact, a robot.
But FIFA could not stop him. Nor could any defense. His one weakness - a dismal left foot - was consistently overshadowed by his all-around prowess. While the electric bills at the Bridge escalated, so did the footballer's stamina, and his dominance continued unabated.
And the legend grew.
Sphinxly would not reveal the player's origin, or the source of his immaculate skill. But the tabloids would reveal his training regimen: practicing "the robot" dance move for hours on end. When this came to light, other teams in the premiership became irate, insisting that no human being would be able to keep up with the pace of the league without ever touching a football on an off-day.
After a bout of tough losses, Sphinxly was sacked, and he took his player with him. Some claim to have witnessed the robot embarrassing schoolchildren in pick-up matches in rural U.S. towns, but nothing has been substantiated. The truth behind the story of Robot Pele's arrival to, and disappearance from, professional soccer may never be fully known.
world cup draw
The draw for the 2010 FIFA World Cup is in, and the United States (ranked 14th in the world) will be in a group with England (9), Algeria (28), and Slovenia (33). The ramifications? The U.S. should easily make it through to the round of 16, giving supporters the chance to see the U.S. squad play some actually meaningful soccer. While it's unlikely that the Americans will challenge for a top spot in the tournament, they at least have a chance now - something that may not have been possible if their group had filled out with more competitive teams. For instance, Portugal, Brazil, and the Ivory Coast are all in the same group...that should be much more challenging than the draw of the U.S.
I do believe the U.S. has a chance to beat England and possibly win their group, which would put them in even better shape, but I'm not convinced the team will execute. During qualifying, the U.S. showed an uncanny ability to concede early goals, forcing them to battle back, and that could spell death on this world stage. At least we have a capable coach now, unlike four years ago.
No matter what happens, that first game against England is going to be a doozy. It will be like Revolution 2, and I can't wait.
placentas for persie
It's not often that genuine news stories sound as though they were concocted for The Onion. Taking a page from Tom Cruise's playbook, soccer star Robin van Persie "will have placenta rubbed into the damaged area by a Serbian housewife" in hopes that it will speed his recovery from an ankle injury (source). While the merits of "placental medicine" are questionable at best, it apparently worked for his former teammate, Danzo Lazovic - and who would begin to question the work of housewife Mariana Kovacevic? Besides, the remedy doesn't even look that odd by comparison to some of the other things soccer players have tried in the past. If nothing else, the placebo effect may get him back on the field faster.
When you're making the equivalent of millions of dollars playing professional soccer, you should have a right to seek out the strangest and most sure-fire solutions to your ailments. Maybe you can stumble across something that Magner missed.
fifa 10 film clips
I wanted to share some videos I made in the FIFA 10 demo, to show off how fluid the game is and how much better it feels than FIFA 08. I had never messed with EA Sports Football World, but they have a very competent system in place for uploading videos and snapshots of matches you play on the Xbox 360. The still pictures are terribly low quality and not worth viewing, and the same could be argued of the flash videos it creates, but they're much better than taking off-screen video of the game.
a fifa 10 fix
There are many gross disparities based on global location. A serious example of this was seen two days ago when the FIFA 10 demo was released in the United Kingdom (and Europe) but not the United States. It would seem that the developers of the iconic football franchise did not want the start of the American "football" season distracting from the availability of their new game. The demo is scheduled for a release next Thursday, September 17th, but who would want to wait that long to try their hand at more realistic virtual soccer?
Fortunately, there is a way around this predicament. By creating a new Xbox profile and setting the system locale to "United Kingdom," then creating a new Xbox LIVE gamertag, the free demo becomes available for download in the Xbox LIVE Marketplace. This kind of regional manipulation should not be necessary, but at least it's possible.
It might seem silly to get excited about the latest release in a series of perennial (and often incremental) updates, but since I never purchased FIFA 09, I am looking forward to this newest edition. Having played the 10 demo, it (of course) seems fairly significantly different than 08 but not too dissimilar from 09. I enjoy that players get indignant when fouls are called against them, and the added quick restart and on-the-fly kicker selection for free kicks are nice touches. I also saw, on several occasions, friendly AI-controlled players step over the ball when the pass was not intended for them. I'm not sure if this is new for 10 or if it was in 09, but it's much more realistic than the random deflections in 08. The little things really make up the game.
The demo does not include the new arena changes, which is disappointing. You're still limited to running around with a single player and taking random shots, but in the full game you'll be able to create up to an 11-on-11 scrimmage for training purposes. Also missing from the demo is the custom set piece editor; again, this would have been nice to see. 360-degree dribbling doesn't seem revolutionary, unless I'm just doing it wrong. If I hadn't been told that this was a key selling point, I may not have noticed much of a difference.
chelsea’s got “the blues”
I usually don't support my favorite soccer teams unless I'm fairly certain they're going to go crashing down in flames. That happened about an hour ago in Moscow, where the UEFA Champions League final finished with Chelsea going down to Manchester United on penalty kicks. With Petr Cech having made a great save against an unecessarily-artistic Cristiano Ronaldo penalty, John Terry came up with the opportunity to win the match for the Blues. His foot slipped on the wet pitch and his shot sailed wide, seemingly handing Manchester United the win.
It's terrible, it's tragic, and yet - life goes on. I had to snicker when the commentator said that "so much is at stake" in the match, because it's just a soccer game. Even those who have made soccer into their career aren't going to go hungry because they lost one match, and they (most likely) won't have to worry about losing their supermodel wives. It could have gone a lot worse...at least there were no fatal injuries.
Still, Chelsea outplayed Manchester United for what felt like the bulk of the match and they probably deserved to come out on top. Of course, that's what she said.